Seeing him again today, my whole being lit up, it has been a couple of days since we last saw each other. My face was as bright as the sun, I was blushing so seriously that I thought my face was going to really turn red (which is technically impossible being dark in complexion). Every thoughts and memory of him kept me in constant awe of happiness. His presence gives me an assurance that I am loved and beautiful. I was always joyous around him and I had this aura of peace alongside as well. I seldom feel this loved except when I am around him. We will talk long hours, later switch to chats and he always reiterates his love for me. This continued for a long time until he felt I couldn’t meet his needs anymore. That was the point it started to dawn on me that I might have boarded the wrong ship. Then I paused to ask myself, how I got here in the first place.
It all stemmed up from the way members of my family related with one another. I am Tinu, the second of four children. My home is such that the longest conversation without resulting in a quarrel or heated argument was just a little over five minutes. The serenity that comes from belonging to a lovely family was never there. I can’t tell you that we loved each other because I for one never felt loved, there is hardly a moment of peace and calmness in the home except after a fight or heated argument. I was so lonely and not even my mother took note. I began to withdraw to myself, I was depressed and I felt like the most unloved person in the universe. It felt like my whole world would come crashing down on me.
In that moment Dipo came into my life. He worked his way through the crevices of my broken heart and the loneliness of my soul. He provided the much needed warmth, care and love that was lacking in my life. Day after day he provided not only moral support but also emotional support as well, his shoulder was always there to lean on when I needed someone. In a flash our friendship developed into a romantic relationship.
He wanted to get physical during the relationship but I knew I wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy yet. I had listened to a couple of sermon in church that discredited premarital sex and I had seen first-hand what it does to people, the emotional disorder, psychological trauma that followed after they plunged into it. I dissuaded him from the thought of it, although he wasn’t pleased, he still kept on with the relationship. I allowed him some other things though but strongly refused him sex. His company was so comforting until we began to hit some road blocks due to differences in opinion. His urge for sex was increasing, his demand for it was persistent and was becoming alarming. Then I knew things weren’t adding up properly anymore. It dawned on me that what I presumed to be love might not have not been love all along. Dipo only took advantage of my emotional frailty and used it to his own advantage. The last straw that broke the camel’s back was when he told me he was going to call the relationship quit if I insist on refusing him sex, but having spoken to a counsellor who also doubles as an older friend about my predicament and the conditions attached, he told me that when situations get to such junctures, its always plain that lust had been the active ingredient and not love.
I told Dipo I had made my decision and wasn’t going to be an object for sexual pleasure, instantly he called the relationship quit.
Then I went ahead to have further conversations with my counsellor and he enlightened me that feeling lonely was as a result of my family issues and it wasn’t because I was alone. Feeling lonely is only a state of the mind and has nothing to do it with being alone (i.e. being single). Loneliness If not properly dealt with leads to depression which could lead to suicidal thoughts and attempts in extreme cases. He finally gave me this few tips on how to handle loneliness:
1. Love people around us. It takes only a person that can truly love others to feel and understand the concept of love.
2. Build a healthy relationship with your siblings where you can interact freely with one another and love each other.
3. Forgive your parent of any hurt they must have caused you and love them deeply in return.
4. Never conceal any emotional hurt, assault or harassment; they have a way of making you feel depressed, open up and seek help.
5. Reach out to a counsellor and open up to them on your predicaments.
6. Volunteer with charitable organizations close to you or learn a skill. When you are busy, there’s no way the feeling of loneliness will set in and overpower you.
7. Perform an act of random kindness daily and you will surprised how much love you can show to people personally and you will not be bothered much about loneliness
8. Finally, never forget Jesus loves you far beyond your imagination. That is enough comfort to Last you a lifetime and assures you that you never really alone.
Don’t give in to loneliness, your generation awaits your manifestation.

3 thoughts on “ALONE OR LONELY

  1. I so love this article; it’s so powerful and it reflects the kind of life alot of people are living today, how alot of people are indulging in premarital sex “in the name of love” only to suffer the consequences in the end. If only alot of girls knew that sex in a relationship is not love but lust, they could have still been in school pursuing their goals not at home nursing children.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. well d best way to text true love is to tell him zip up till u finish up d necessary requirement then u watch…… iheakanwa emeka


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