It was a afternoon, worship service was lit. Not too far from the auditorium, I saw a cluster of people with fixed gaze. The tutor had such a lovely accent and he is handsome. I was tempted to take a peep only to discover it was a maths tutorial. Yuck! My disgust for mathematics! The dislike just came in a rush all over again. I saw the tutor and recognised his face, but then never really met him or knew him. Nevertheless, one thing I could tell, he was a member of our fellowship. I owed myself much rest, yet I had planned at least a four-hour period to read. I had a lot of catching up to do with my books.
Our story wasn’t as complicated as said. As an electrical electronics engineering student in his finals, he was a brilliant mind. I mostly admired his desire to help others achieve academic excellence; he was handsome though, with a good dress sense. Well, I was also doing good; an attractive pharmacology student in my third year.
We crossed each other path during a midweek service in our campus fellowship, I had been seeing him around in fellowship before then, but we never had a cause to engage in a conversation. We just sat next to each other, that day. In the evening, the bible study session was very inspiring. There were a lot of scenarios where we had to interact with our neighbour, making specific professions into their lives and, at other instances, asking questions or just laughing as the case may be. Those few engagements broke the invisible brick wall that Femi and I had somewhat built. It started out as just a thing; after every service, Femi had the knack for locating me in church and often ended up walking me home.
At some point, he got my mobile number We spent a lot of time chatting and putting calls through to each other. I, other than we were friends, never personally attached a name to whatever we were doing. But deep down I knew there was tendency for things to spiral out of control. Two months down the line our path crossed on my way home, I was done with lectures for the day, and Femi was as well. So he just followed me home; out of courtesy I decided to fix us lunch. We had rice with sauce. After the meal, Femi started narrating about how, from that day at bible study, he had been in awe of me and blah, blah, blah. Although I knew where he was going, I wanted him to sweat it out. He finally decided that he did like us to take our friendship up a notch a little, and he asked me to go see a movie with him that weekend. Well, I was expecting it, but that still seemed like a lot to process all at once. I couldn’t even piece words together for the first minute… It appeared to be a very long pause, about the longest awkward moment of my life. I didn’t even know how best to reply, then I replied, “Fine. I did like see a movie with you at the cinemas”. There he screamed, “Cynthia, thank you very much. Really appreciate it!”
There I was, living the undergraduate dream, feeling like I found my prince charming pretty easier than people made it seem, although I wasn’t a damsel in distress though (lol) Don’t mind me. Too much of Disney! The sessions had been lit currently on the back of a cgpa of 4.33, and that semester, I was breaking up new grounds academically.
From that point on, our friendship took a new turn. It appeared as though I alighted from the ship called friendship and took a stream going to the port of romantic relationship to board a cruise liner heading to romance. I was living the best moment of my life, all my imaginations concerning a relationship were coming through, not fantasies though. They were beginning to align together, but there were these restrictions I had inside, not knowing what it was though. Notwithstanding, I could say that I was already swimming in the oceans of love, and headed for deep sea diving. Yea, that was the realm I was, at that phase of my life.
The day was hectic. I just woke up from a nap, took a quick stroll outside and the evening breeze caressed my cheek, the feeling was so reinvigorating. We had a couple of trees in the open space of our compound. Grrrrh oops, it’s my phone vibrating. It was Femi. I wasn’t expecting his call though. I had forgotten we were supposed to meet that evening. He reminded of our meet up at water front garden, a relaxation spot not far from the school, which I had earlier agreed to.
I was enveloped with smiles and Derin (my neighbour) could see me blushing because of the glow on my face. They admired it and compliments were rolling in freely. An hour later, I was with him at the garden. It was so much fun. I really got to know him that day, or at least I thought I did, and he got to know me pretty well too. An hour into the date, I had just finished narrating my experiences so far in school with him. He told me some key experience he has had too over the years in school. There we were enjoying each other’s company, and about two hours later I told him I had to go home which he much obliged and got a cab for me.
On getting home, Funmi was well seated on the only chair in my room. She had the spare key, so she already made herself comfortable. She had been waiting all evening and was surprised it took me so long to get home. I was on the spot, so I came clean and gave her the full gist. She always wanted to know about my love life but I was still a bit secretive since we haven’t gone public yet. Funmi was somewhat furious though because she was my best friend and I had kept this major thing from her. I apologised and gave her the pitiful look and she drew me into her embrace and smiled.
Things were progressing rather fast between me and Femi. We planned a meet up at the cinema, we were to see Deadpool, and we got our tickets and head down to the hall. Somewhere around the middle of the movie there was a sex scene between the main character and a lady. That sparked a question in my mind and I asked Femi “what is ideals are concerning sex before marriage”. He was sceptical at first not wanting to answer me but I was able to persuade him and he started to talk. He stated that “if it’s a mutual agreement between partners then its ok but then no partner should deprive the other of sexual desire if they need it”. Then I replied him “but they are not married, why should they want to get involved sexually”. Femi speaking, “that’s why I didn’t want to answer the question, it generates more controversy and question than answers”. Well he was trying to end the conversation. Then I told him of my ideals, “I don’t believe sex before marriage is ok, in fact I don’t subscribe to it at all and as such won’t allow it”. His reactions were unreadable but I felt he doesn’t share my ideals he just clasped my hands and asked that we finish the movie first and talk later. Well I agreed, we were missing the bunch of the movie due to our conversation already.
Although it was such an awesome time we shared, I still had my reservation for him. There was a slight tingling in my heart, a kind of constraints within me causing me to really doubt what we had going. My fears were unknown but I just had a weird feeling that there was more to him than meets the
About four months into the relationship, I started hearing some funny information about Femi, information that was really disturbing. It first started out as rumours of him being a philanderer, but he didn’t look it at all. Femi was cool, calm and collected; never for once showed any unwarranted romantic gestures other than holding hands and staying awkwardly close to me. Most times, we hugged to greet. But then whenever I prayed about him, there always came these portent about him although the information wasn’t clear cut, I still remain composed.
Our relationship continued, how be it, I never confronted him about the rumours. I never wanted them to be true, Femi seemed perfect such and heaven sent… I loved him dearly. At that point, we had boarded the ship sailing across the seas of romance, headed for marriage, or so I thought. We decided to hangout in a restaurant the other day, I ordered a burger and a cup of ice cream, while he ordered for a bottle of coke only. He was staring at me awkwardly; and I asked him what it meant, he said nothing. He instead told me he really loves me and I replied the same, but then he kept gazing at me like he could even see into my soul. He just said he felt like being in my warm embrace and I was like durrh. The date felt awkward that day, we had a couple more scenarios as such afterwards, yet I didn’t pay attention to it as a serious matter. In fact, there was a particular day we were jesting, when he asked if I had ever kissed a guy before, it felt awkward though because my answer was No. I thought, he might just tease me for the rest of the day and he definitely took advantage of it. Then, after laughing himself to the fullest, he asked how I would react should a guy attempt to kiss me. Well, I plainly told him that it would be too far, and besides I was trying not to start a fire that might go out of control. So I won’t be pleased. Better safe than sorry. He nodded his head somewhat and he switched the topic. It was really a hilarious moment for both of us.
Seven months into the relationship, Femi’s behaviour seemed off. He wasn’t the cool, calm and collected guy I used to know. He appeared on the edge, getting easily irritated, reducing the amount of time we spent together substantially; I couldn’t afford an emotional break down or instability. It will make me distraught and it could hamper my desire for hitting a first class G.P for that semester.
Two months went by, it only seemed growing worse and Femi didn’t even make mention of our precarious situation. In fact, I felt he was thriving on it.
Well, left with no other option I had to talk to Funmi about it. I went over to stay the night at Funmi’s hostel so we could have ample time to talk about my situation. I arrived her place at about 7:20pm, she was so glad to have me around. It has been a while I have had a sleepover at her place so it made it all the more splendid. I narrated my ordeal so far with Femi and how he barely reaches out to me let alone communicate with me and how I find it difficult to get his attention let alone have a proper conversation with him. Funmi, holding my hands, pulled me closer and calm me down. She talked me into inviting Femi for dinner and make the environment very homely and calm, and then engage him in a tête-à-tête. This sounded good to me and I started working towards it.
I wanted the situation to change. Just a month to his final exams, I invited him over for dinner.
Femi showed up right on time with a fruit juice which he offered to me, (trust me) I gladly accepted it. Right after I made a dish of wheat and melon soup garnished with vegetable, cow skin and dried fish, I served the meal and we both ate to our fill. When we finished, I appreciated him for honouring the invite and then I went straight to my own hidden agenda. I observed our relationship had a lot of frictions in recent times and it was getting to me. He paid rapt attention to all I had to say, nodding his head in acknowledgement at some point. When I was done, I asked him what he felt about it. Femi just smiled and told me he had been waiting for me to bring up the issue.
Disgusted at what he said, I felt like exploding but I kept my cool. So he knew all this while that things weren’t as they ought to be, and he refused to say or do anything about it. I kept it together and didn’t say a word yet.
Femi continued, “You are a beautiful lady, an intelligent one at that, but very naïve.” Being confused, I asked him how; he replied, “All the signs have been there for you to read, but you didn’t. So I left you alone to figure it out , still you didn’t get it”. I pleaded with him that I did not understand what he was getting at, “Help me out” I said in desperation. He said I had missed the point, that his love language was physical touch and I never paid attention to his physical needs. Dumbfounded as I was, I just kept mute. He continued that he would be blunt about it and would go straight to the point. Then he started ranting on how he had to starve himself of his sexual desires, all because he loved me and wanted me to settle well into the relationship; one which I didn’t seem to be able to settle in until now.
Still shocked, I could barely move my lips. That was a guy I met in church, always attending service, never missing out on even midweek service, now uttering this disdainful words. Before I could even say Jack Robinson, he moved in on me, held my hands and placed them on his chest, reassuring me that he said it all because of how much he loved me. Still trying to wrap my head on how I didn’t see this coming, and the fact that he had been starving himself of his sexual desires reminded me of all the rumours and portent I had about him.
I did not even see the next set of events coming, as they unfolded before my very eyes; he held me around the waist and pulled me close to himself, and before I could blink my eyes, he had his lips implanted on mine and we were kissing (I didn’t even know how it started). In a burst of adrenaline, I pushed him back after I overcame the overwhelming emotion. He nearly fell down, although I didn’t even realise I pushed him that hard, I didn’t even dim it fit to apologize to him. Then I asked what that was all about. He said he couldn’t endure it any longer, and if I couldn’t satisfy his emotional desires, he would not continue with the relationship.
Still infuriated, I told him to keep quiet and not try to hold me to ransom and the expense of my purity. Then I asked him if he had forgotten that he was a Christian, and that sexual sin in all its form is against our faith. There and then, I made it clear to him that I never wanted to see him again, that my love for God and sanctity of my body is of utmost important to me, and if he wouldn’t honour God and respect my body that would mean the end of the relationship. Shell-shocked, Femi left my place. I was devastated and drained emotionally, I felt so betrayed and was in tears all evening and night long. I had thought my romantic ship was already setting sail, rooted on the foundation of purity. I didn’t know all that was my idea alone and Femi never agreed with it. I didn’t realise that our ship had lost its course already and was heading for the ocean of lust and unchasteness.
For the next week, I wasn’t myself; but thanks to the Holy Spirit and Funmi my best friend, who assisted me through that phase, I can’t even say what would have become of me. The warning signs were there, but I didn’t take heed and then it blew on my face. The good news in all was that it didn’t affect my academics that semester, instead it gave me more reason to hold on to my faith in my God who keeps working in me to turn me into a daughter He can be proud of.
A word of advice to ladies out there and even guys going through a hard time in your relationship, keep your chastity and never compromise your Godly standard. God has made your body His abode where His spirit dwells. Never jeopardise that trust and confidence God has in you, not even for anybody. The blessings of God never bear any sorrow, guilt or regret attached.
My name is Sharon, this is my story. STAY CHASTE